1
00:00:01,568 --> 00:00:02,602
(JINGLE PLAYING)

2
00:00:02,669 --> 00:00:04,371
♪ Every time I zig, you zag

3
00:00:04,437 --> 00:00:07,674
♪ I like coffee,
tea's your bag

4
00:00:07,741 --> 00:00:09,743
♪ Though it makes no sense,
it's true

5
00:00:09,809 --> 00:00:12,012
♪ There's no me without you ♪

6
00:00:14,247 --> 00:00:17,717
{\an8}JOY: 'Til Death
is filmed in front of
a live studio audience.

7
00:00:17,784 --> 00:00:20,387
{\an8}Here you go.
Your regular,
meatball sandwich.

8
00:00:20,453 --> 00:00:24,924
{\an8}Extra sauce, extra cheese,
with a light dusting
of crumbled bacon.

9
00:00:24,991 --> 00:00:26,059
{\an8}Here's to your health.

10
00:00:26,126 --> 00:00:27,827
{\an8}(CHUCKLES)

11
00:00:27,894 --> 00:00:29,963
{\an8}You know, funny story
how bacon got invited
to this party.

12
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:31,297
{\an8}Yeah, I heard it.

13
00:00:31,364 --> 00:00:32,599
{\an8}No, no, no. I have
to tell you this.

14
00:00:32,665 --> 00:00:35,702
{\an8}It was about 10 years ago.
I was at this very table

15
00:00:35,769 --> 00:00:40,073
{\an8}and I had some bacon
stuck in my teeth
from breakfast.

16
00:00:40,140 --> 00:00:42,208
{\an8}I bite into
the sandwich

17
00:00:42,275 --> 00:00:46,813
{\an8}and all of a sudden
these two meats are
making love inside my mouth.

18
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:49,816
{\an8}And they bore
a child named Yum.

19
00:00:51,584 --> 00:00:54,554
{\an8}(LAUGHING)

20
00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:58,491
{\an8}Uh-huh. Well, it's about time
my mouth made love
with some nicotine gum.

21
00:01:00,293 --> 00:01:01,561
{\an8}(LAUGHING)

22
00:01:03,596 --> 00:01:06,833
{\an8}Oh. Wow. Oh.

23
00:01:08,334 --> 00:01:11,805
{\an8}Oh, boy. Too much cheese.

24
00:01:13,706 --> 00:01:14,874
{\an8}Darn.

25
00:01:19,546 --> 00:01:20,914
{\an8}Eddie!

26
00:01:22,949 --> 00:01:24,184
{\an8}(LAUGHS)

27
00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:28,288
{\an8}Kenny. What are
you doing here?

28
00:01:28,354 --> 00:01:31,157
{\an8}Living, loving,
getting my sandwich on.

29
00:01:32,459 --> 00:01:34,227
{\an8}Sit down. Sit down!

30
00:01:35,495 --> 00:01:38,698
{\an8}Did anyone see
you come in here?

31
00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:41,901
{\an8}There was a homeless guy
outside with his raincoat
tucked into his pants.

32
00:01:43,236 --> 00:01:46,840
{\an8}I'm talking
about someone
we know, or Joy.

33
00:01:46,906 --> 00:01:48,842
{\an8}Why are you all wiggy, man?

34
00:01:48,908 --> 00:01:52,245
{\an8}I'm not wiggy.
Why do you think I'm wiggy?
What am I doing that's wiggy?

35
00:01:52,312 --> 00:01:56,216
{\an8}You're squeezing that
sandwich so hard,
you just lost a ball.

36
00:01:57,884 --> 00:02:00,186
{\an8}What's going on
with you, man?

37
00:02:01,588 --> 00:02:04,090
{\an8}Wait a minute.
Are you tapping
the meatball lady?

38
00:02:05,258 --> 00:02:07,260
{\an8}No!

39
00:02:07,327 --> 00:02:08,928
{\an8}Probably smart.
She looks like she would
talk a lot in the sack.

40
00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:11,297
{\an8}What's going on, man?

41
00:02:11,364 --> 00:02:12,632
{\an8}All right, look,
here's the thing.

42
00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:14,367
{\an8}For about 20 years,
I've been coming in here

43
00:02:14,434 --> 00:02:17,804
{\an8}and getting
meatball sandwiches,
but I've never told Joy.

44
00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:19,672
What? Is she on you about
cholesterol and stuff?

45
00:02:19,739 --> 00:02:21,007
Cholesterol? Please.

46
00:02:21,074 --> 00:02:24,110
I've seen that woman spread
cold gravy on a cupcake.

47
00:02:26,079 --> 00:02:27,547
(EXHALES)

48
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:35,355
It was early on
in our marriage. I was out
running a bunch of errands

49
00:02:35,421 --> 00:02:37,490
and then I ended
up coming in here.

50
00:02:37,557 --> 00:02:40,360
When I got home later,
I told Joy everything I did,

51
00:02:40,426 --> 00:02:43,663
but for some reason,
I never told her
about the sandwich.

52
00:02:43,730 --> 00:02:46,032
Was it wrong? Yes.

53
00:02:46,099 --> 00:02:50,537
Did it make me feel
better than I've ever
felt in my entire life?

54
00:02:50,603 --> 00:02:52,772
You bet your
sweet black ass.

55
00:03:01,347 --> 00:03:05,185
I understand.
You get yourself
secret meatballs.

56
00:03:05,251 --> 00:03:07,320
Every man needs
a secret meatball.

57
00:03:07,387 --> 00:03:10,990
Yes. Yes, we do!
And this is the only thing
left in our relationship

58
00:03:11,057 --> 00:03:13,126
that is all mine.

59
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:16,563
Mmm-hmm. It gives you
a chance to reconnect
with an old friend. You.

60
00:03:16,629 --> 00:03:18,364
Well, that's...

61
00:03:18,431 --> 00:03:19,666
Now, listen, listen.
I need you to do me
a favor.

62
00:03:19,732 --> 00:03:21,668
You can never mention
any of this to Joy.

63
00:03:21,734 --> 00:03:24,571
She already knows
everything else there
is to know about me.

64
00:03:24,637 --> 00:03:26,339
She knows my ATM code.

65
00:03:26,406 --> 00:03:29,876
My strange fear
of bean-based soups.

66
00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:33,980
And the confusing
feelings I have when
I see Jude Law.

67
00:03:36,916 --> 00:03:39,552
I get that. I get all
weird about Prince.

68
00:03:47,627 --> 00:03:50,430
The important thing
to remember while
maneuvering her

69
00:03:50,496 --> 00:03:54,567
is you have to feel
like a tiny driver
inside the dune buggy.

70
00:03:54,634 --> 00:03:56,236
(LAUGHING)

71
00:03:56,302 --> 00:03:57,870
I'm seeing a tiny badass me

72
00:03:57,937 --> 00:04:00,073
with tiny goggles on and
tiny little driving gloves.

73
00:04:00,139 --> 00:04:02,742
All right.

74
00:04:02,809 --> 00:04:08,281
I think of myself as tiny,
but still pretty tall compared
to other tiny people.

75
00:04:08,348 --> 00:04:10,717
And tiny me is also catnip
to the tiny ladies.

76
00:04:10,783 --> 00:04:11,718
Oh!

77
00:04:11,784 --> 00:04:13,319
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)

78
00:04:15,121 --> 00:04:17,390
Yeah, okay. Okay.

79
00:04:17,457 --> 00:04:19,659
I know, I know.
She's a bitch and
she sleeps around.

80
00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:23,363
But you have to invite her.
She's still your mother.

81
00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:27,667
Hey, guys.
You have a little
sauce on your shirt.

82
00:04:27,734 --> 00:04:28,668
Oh.

83
00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:35,008
This must've happened
at Morry's when you called
my name and I jumped.

84
00:04:35,074 --> 00:04:36,843
What the hell
are you doing?

85
00:04:36,909 --> 00:04:40,079
You have to treat
a stain before it sets.
That's laundry 101.

86
00:04:41,547 --> 00:04:43,182
But you're
making it worse!

87
00:04:43,249 --> 00:04:44,550
It's a process!

88
00:04:46,052 --> 00:04:48,988
Wow, that's definitely
getting worse.

89
00:04:49,055 --> 00:04:51,291
I'm gonna need
some kosher salt
and some pantyhose.

90
00:04:52,859 --> 00:04:54,527
Don't rub it like...

91
00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:04,203
So what is that? Tomato?

92
00:05:04,270 --> 00:05:05,471
No.

93
00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:08,241
Hell, no!

94
00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:13,479
What is it, lipstick?
You having an affair on me?

95
00:05:14,547 --> 00:05:16,449
Maybe.

96
00:05:16,516 --> 00:05:18,918
Maybe he's looking
for a lady who doesn't
ask so many questions.

97
00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:22,588
You guys been sniffing
dune buggy glue?

98
00:05:24,590 --> 00:05:26,693
'Cause you're acting
really strange.

99
00:05:26,759 --> 00:05:30,430
Oh, what, what?
So, suddenly a man
can't dab another man

100
00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:33,833
with a wet cloth without
being labeled strange?

101
00:05:33,900 --> 00:05:35,635
What a world.

102
00:05:35,702 --> 00:05:37,870
What a world, indeed.

103
00:05:37,937 --> 00:05:40,640
All right, listen here,
buddy. You're gonna
tell me what's going on,

104
00:05:40,707 --> 00:05:42,842
{\an8}or I'm gonna
get it out of your
little friend here.

105
00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:45,144
He doesn't
know anything.

106
00:05:45,211 --> 00:05:46,312
Yeah? I'll be
the judge of that.

107
00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:51,417
Hey there, Mr. Man.

108
00:05:51,484 --> 00:05:54,120
(LAUGHS)

109
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:57,857
That nice, smooth head
of yours is getting
a little sweaty.

110
00:05:59,525 --> 00:06:00,927
Thank you.

111
00:06:02,395 --> 00:06:04,831
What are you two
hiding, Kenneth?

112
00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:13,005
Don't call me Kenneth.
My mom calls me Kenneth.

113
00:06:13,072 --> 00:06:15,908
Oh, does she, Kenneth?
And when does she
call you Kenneth?

114
00:06:15,975 --> 00:06:17,944
When you're trying
to hide something,

115
00:06:18,010 --> 00:06:19,178
Kenneth?

116
00:06:27,620 --> 00:06:29,322
He's got a secret
meatball sandwich.

117
00:06:33,826 --> 00:06:35,628
What?

118
00:06:35,695 --> 00:06:39,065
You have played
with my dune buggy
for the last time.

119
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,035
I deserved that.

120
00:06:48,975 --> 00:06:51,411
So what's the deal
with the sandwich?

121
00:06:51,477 --> 00:06:55,415
All right, honey.
Look, here's...
Here's the thing.

122
00:06:55,481 --> 00:06:57,784
Um...

123
00:06:57,850 --> 00:07:00,920
I've been going to
this place called Morry's
and I've been getting these

124
00:07:02,021 --> 00:07:06,192
secret meatball sandwiches
and not telling you.

125
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:08,494
And how long you
been doing that?

126
00:07:08,561 --> 00:07:10,062
I don't know.
What is this, Tuesday?

127
00:07:10,129 --> 00:07:11,597
Twenty years.

128
00:07:15,968 --> 00:07:17,403
(LAUGHING)

129
00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:24,043
What? What?

130
00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:26,612
You're not mad?

131
00:07:26,679 --> 00:07:30,583
Are you kidding?
It's freakin' hilarious!

132
00:07:30,650 --> 00:07:33,286
So you're not upset
that I've been keeping you
in the dark about this?

133
00:07:33,352 --> 00:07:37,824
About your
secret sandwich?
Not so much!

134
00:07:37,890 --> 00:07:39,425
(LAUGHING) Oh, man!

135
00:07:39,492 --> 00:07:43,362
Sneaking around to get
meatballs for 20 years
is just so lame!

136
00:07:43,429 --> 00:07:45,731
It is. It is.
Crazy lame.

137
00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:48,568
So, we can pretend
we've never had
this conversation?

138
00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:51,003
Your secret's
safe with me.

139
00:07:51,070 --> 00:07:53,506
Oh, wait a second.
Hold on. You know
what I'm going to do?

140
00:07:53,573 --> 00:07:56,042
I'm gonna have
a secret yogurt
right now.

141
00:07:56,108 --> 00:07:58,644
(SHUSHING)

142
00:07:58,711 --> 00:08:02,882
There's fruit at the bottom.
Don't tell anyone.
It's a secret!

143
00:08:07,887 --> 00:08:10,590
Here you go. Here's
your meatball sandwich
and your root beer.

144
00:08:10,656 --> 00:08:12,391
Ah! Thank you.
Hey, I got a funny
story for you.

145
00:08:12,458 --> 00:08:14,026
Yeah, I know,
I heard it.

146
00:08:14,093 --> 00:08:16,329
No, no, no, no.
No, listen. This one
you've never heard before.

147
00:08:16,395 --> 00:08:18,865
This is fresh stuff.
I've been coming
here about 20 years...

148
00:08:18,931 --> 00:08:20,433
And you never told your wife
and then she found out

149
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:23,336
and you were afraid
she was gonna be
angry, but she wasn't.

150
00:08:23,402 --> 00:08:24,403
Should I leave
the check?

151
00:08:29,442 --> 00:08:31,410
Wait a second.
How did you hear
about that story?

152
00:08:31,477 --> 00:08:33,913
Well, your wife told me.
She was in here a couple
of hours ago.

153
00:08:35,081 --> 00:08:36,716
What?
Yeah.

154
00:08:36,782 --> 00:08:40,286
You know, she's pretty.
I was surprised,
I always pictured her fat.

155
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:44,624
Take it away.
What?

156
00:08:44,690 --> 00:08:45,625
Take it away!

157
00:08:52,598 --> 00:08:53,766
Hey, babe.

158
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:55,701
Hello.

159
00:09:06,012 --> 00:09:07,480
What's up?
You're kind of
creeping me out.

160
00:09:09,582 --> 00:09:11,984
How was your day?
What'd you do?

161
00:09:12,919 --> 00:09:14,453
Uh...

162
00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:16,789
I don't know.
I went to the car wash.

163
00:09:17,857 --> 00:09:19,392
I went to the bank.

164
00:09:19,458 --> 00:09:21,460
Do you know
we have almost
no money?

165
00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:25,464
Sure do.

166
00:09:26,699 --> 00:09:28,100
Did you go
anywhere else?

167
00:09:28,167 --> 00:09:31,270
No. Oh, I did
pick up a chai tea.

168
00:09:31,337 --> 00:09:34,807
A chai tea?
Or a lie tea?

169
00:09:37,743 --> 00:09:39,679
What?
I know you went

170
00:09:39,745 --> 00:09:42,848
to my secret meatball
place. Convenient how you
just left that out, huh?

171
00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:46,319
Okay, yeah.
I went to Morry's once,
just to see the place.

172
00:09:46,385 --> 00:09:48,354
Well, now you've
contaminated it.

173
00:09:50,556 --> 00:09:53,459
I'm sorry,
I've contaminated it?

174
00:09:53,526 --> 00:09:55,861
There's a possum trap
in the ladies room.

175
00:09:57,496 --> 00:09:59,765
Why'd you go, Joy?
I thought you didn't care.

176
00:09:59,832 --> 00:10:01,400
You were laughing
when I told you.

177
00:10:01,467 --> 00:10:03,469
Okay, fine.
Yeah, I laughed
about it at first,

178
00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:06,172
but then it seemed
really weird that you
had to hide it from me.

179
00:10:06,238 --> 00:10:08,407
I mean, what is
the deal with this
stupid sandwich?

180
00:10:08,474 --> 00:10:11,844
It's not just a sandwich,
it's what it represents.

181
00:10:11,911 --> 00:10:16,215
Don't you understand? It was
the only thing in my life
that you didn't know about.

182
00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:19,318
The one and only thing
that was all mine.

183
00:10:19,385 --> 00:10:21,821
Come on,
there are things that we
don't know about each other.

184
00:10:21,887 --> 00:10:25,491
I can list five things
right now that you
don't know about me.

185
00:10:25,558 --> 00:10:27,226
Oh! Go for it.

186
00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:28,461
Okay.

187
00:10:28,527 --> 00:10:29,862
I...
Bleach your mustache.

188
00:10:44,076 --> 00:10:45,544
Wow. Um...

189
00:10:47,780 --> 00:10:50,449
Okay, all right.
Here's something
you don't know, okay.

190
00:10:50,516 --> 00:10:53,519
In college, once,
after this concert, I...

191
00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:55,488
Slept with a guy
named Daryl Hall

192
00:10:55,554 --> 00:10:57,023
because you thought
he was part of
the band Hall and Oates,

193
00:10:57,089 --> 00:11:00,593
and he just ended up
being a random guy
named Daryl Hall.

194
00:11:07,700 --> 00:11:11,237
All right, we know
everything about
each other, okay?

195
00:11:11,303 --> 00:11:14,907
Call me crazy, but I don't
think that that's such a
bad thing in a marriage, babe.

196
00:11:14,974 --> 00:11:16,108
It's 'cause
you're a chick.

197
00:11:17,009 --> 00:11:18,044
Excuse me?

198
00:11:18,110 --> 00:11:21,514
Look, Joy.
I'm a good husband.

199
00:11:21,580 --> 00:11:23,449
I would never
cheat on you.

200
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:26,118
I would never murder
someone and bury
them in the pantry.

201
00:11:27,586 --> 00:11:28,721
The pantry?

202
00:11:28,788 --> 00:11:30,823
What's wrong
with the pantry?

203
00:11:30,890 --> 00:11:33,926
Well, it's just a very
specific place to talk
about burying someone.

204
00:11:33,993 --> 00:11:35,861
Generally, people
just say the woods,

205
00:11:35,928 --> 00:11:37,596
but it's almost
as if you have a plan.

206
00:11:38,731 --> 00:11:39,532
Can I finish?

207
00:11:39,598 --> 00:11:41,000
Go ahead.
Okay.

208
00:11:41,067 --> 00:11:45,404
My secret meatball
sandwich was the last
bit of my independence.

209
00:11:45,471 --> 00:11:49,975
Now, I know it may
sound lame, but it
was important to me.

210
00:11:50,042 --> 00:11:53,479
But now
you know it, and you
can never un-know it.

211
00:11:55,214 --> 00:11:58,384
Well, I'm so sorry
I know your big secret.

212
00:11:58,451 --> 00:12:01,087
Here. Why don't you
hit me over the head
with a frying pan

213
00:12:01,153 --> 00:12:03,422
and I'll forget all
about it? Go ahead.

214
00:12:14,633 --> 00:12:17,136
You're not actually
thinking about hitting
me with that, are you?

215
00:12:19,138 --> 00:12:20,439
No!

216
00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:28,547
Hey, hon, Steph
and I are heading out.
What are you doing tonight?

217
00:12:28,614 --> 00:12:33,052
Why don't you tell me
what I'm doing tonight,
oh, keeper of all secrets?

218
00:12:35,554 --> 00:12:37,223
Ew, what's that smell?

219
00:12:38,457 --> 00:12:39,358
Me.

220
00:12:42,094 --> 00:12:45,865
Wow, you are a smoldering
kettle of sexual energy.

221
00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:48,367
I think we'd better
leave the room before
we both jump your bones.

222
00:12:53,172 --> 00:12:55,674
Is he still bumming
about that meatball thing?

223
00:12:55,741 --> 00:12:57,643
How long's
that gonna last?

224
00:12:57,710 --> 00:13:00,045
I don't know. Possibly
forever. I'm looking into
getting my own condo.

225
00:13:01,714 --> 00:13:04,683
You know,
maybe him having a secret
wasn't such a bad thing.

226
00:13:04,750 --> 00:13:06,886
Maybe it gave
your relationship
a little spark.

227
00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:08,854
It really didn't.

228
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:12,224
I don't know. I mean,

229
00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:14,126
he's never smelled
like that before.

230
00:13:16,195 --> 00:13:19,431
I actually think
secrets are kind of
cool and exciting.

231
00:13:19,498 --> 00:13:24,703
I mean, I love Jeff.
But I know everything
about him.

232
00:13:24,770 --> 00:13:27,273
I'm desperately hoping there's
something I don't know.

233
00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:29,875
So it keeps me going.

234
00:13:31,377 --> 00:13:32,545
Hmm.

235
00:13:40,452 --> 00:13:41,821
Wow.

236
00:13:43,422 --> 00:13:45,724
All right. You need
to get a new secret.

237
00:13:47,693 --> 00:13:50,429
What?
What brought this on?

238
00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:54,300
I don't know. Maybe
your secret meatballs did
give you an air of mystery.

239
00:13:54,366 --> 00:13:58,971
Because without them,
you are just a big,
tall pile of bleh!

240
00:14:00,739 --> 00:14:02,208
A new secret, huh?

241
00:14:02,274 --> 00:14:03,742
I think it's gonna
be good for us.

242
00:14:03,809 --> 00:14:06,545
You know what?
Maybe I'm gonna get
myself a secret, too.

243
00:14:06,612 --> 00:14:10,115
Ooh, a lady secret.
How very forward-thinking.

244
00:14:11,150 --> 00:14:13,152
I'll allow it.

245
00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:19,592
Oh! Kenny,
what are you
doing here?

246
00:14:19,658 --> 00:14:21,460
Oh, I totally ruined
Eddie's marriage.

247
00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:23,195
So, I'm taking him out
for a tuna sandwich.

248
00:14:24,730 --> 00:14:26,866
Ah! Gentlemen.
Hey, Kenny.

249
00:14:26,932 --> 00:14:29,668
Hey, what's going on,
Eddie? You ready for
your apology lunch?

250
00:14:29,735 --> 00:14:32,238
Oh, no need to
apologize, my friend.

251
00:14:32,304 --> 00:14:34,206
Joy has had
a change of heart.

252
00:14:34,273 --> 00:14:36,175
She's gonna let me
pick a new secret.

253
00:14:36,242 --> 00:14:39,278
Apparently, your wife
got to her. She said
you're a snooze to live with

254
00:14:39,345 --> 00:14:42,514
because there's nothing
mysterious about you,
so she figured that I...

255
00:14:42,581 --> 00:14:45,050
I am sorry?

256
00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:51,223
There's nothing
mysterious about me?

257
00:14:52,024 --> 00:14:53,559
That's right. Yeah.

258
00:14:55,094 --> 00:14:57,029
Okay, right. So, look,
this is what I need.

259
00:14:57,096 --> 00:15:00,599
I need you guys to focus
here and come up with
a great new secret for me

260
00:15:00,666 --> 00:15:03,469
that's gonna blow
meatball sandwiches
out of the water.

261
00:15:03,535 --> 00:15:04,904
Anybody. What do you got?

262
00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:07,306
Secret tacos.

263
00:15:07,373 --> 00:15:09,174
Okay, see, now you're
replacing food with food.

264
00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:10,943
Come on, we're
better than that.

265
00:15:11,010 --> 00:15:13,178
Boink the science teacher.

266
00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:16,081
Frank Littleton?

267
00:15:19,018 --> 00:15:21,820
I'm sorry, I meant
the new math teacher.

268
00:15:21,887 --> 00:15:24,623
Let's keep it
above the belt,
all right?

269
00:15:24,690 --> 00:15:27,660
Secret bird.
Secret hamster.
Secret squirrel!

270
00:15:27,726 --> 00:15:29,261
Secret jetpack!

271
00:15:32,031 --> 00:15:33,732
Do us a favor.
Get a haircut.

272
00:15:36,268 --> 00:15:38,771
How could
she not think
I'm mysterious?

273
00:15:38,837 --> 00:15:41,006
I am a magician
for God sakes.

274
00:15:41,073 --> 00:15:42,875
You know, I own two capes!

275
00:15:44,410 --> 00:15:45,844
All right, look.
This is the thing.

276
00:15:45,911 --> 00:15:49,481
We gotta make sure
that my secret is
better than Joy's.

277
00:15:49,548 --> 00:15:51,517
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

278
00:15:51,583 --> 00:15:52,985
Joy gets to have
a secret, too?

279
00:15:53,052 --> 00:15:54,753
Yeah.
Oh, boy.

280
00:15:54,820 --> 00:15:57,389
(STAMMERING)
What? What, "Oh, boy"?
What's wrong with that?

281
00:15:57,456 --> 00:16:00,693
A good secret
is when it's yours
and you know what it is.

282
00:16:00,759 --> 00:16:05,230
A bad secret is when it's hers
and she's riding the pool boy.

283
00:16:05,297 --> 00:16:09,435
All right, look,
nobody's gonna be having
sex with anybody, okay?

284
00:16:09,501 --> 00:16:12,071
You know, of course.
It's gonna be fine.

285
00:16:12,137 --> 00:16:16,442
You got a bosomy,
free spirited lady doing
stuff and not telling you.

286
00:16:16,508 --> 00:16:18,110
What could
possibly
go wrong?

287
00:16:23,215 --> 00:16:24,416
What'd you
do today?

288
00:16:25,684 --> 00:16:27,619
Oh, hung out,
went around.

289
00:16:28,687 --> 00:16:31,857
Got a pretty great
new secret rolling.

290
00:16:31,924 --> 00:16:35,561
But, of course,
that is all that
I can divulge.

291
00:16:35,627 --> 00:16:38,464
Obviously.
That's what makes
it a secret.

292
00:16:38,530 --> 00:16:41,900
Good.
You get it.

293
00:16:41,967 --> 00:16:45,838
But I can tell you
that mine is pretty
spectacular.

294
00:16:47,706 --> 00:16:49,475
And I don't mind
telling you,

295
00:16:49,541 --> 00:16:52,211
that I'm loving
my secret, too.

296
00:16:52,277 --> 00:16:54,246
Great. Couldn't be
happier for you.

297
00:16:55,647 --> 00:16:57,349
Secrets, huh?

298
00:16:57,416 --> 00:17:01,787
Fun to keep.
Fun also, to do.

299
00:17:15,234 --> 00:17:17,169
One secret
pinwheel, please.

300
00:17:40,993 --> 00:17:42,561
(LAUGHING)
You.

301
00:17:45,330 --> 00:17:46,965
(BANGING)

302
00:17:47,032 --> 00:17:48,200
Hey!

303
00:17:51,503 --> 00:17:53,572
What the hell is
going on in here?

304
00:17:54,306 --> 00:17:55,507
What? It's my secret.

305
00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:58,544
You can't just
take my secret and
make it your secret.

306
00:17:58,610 --> 00:18:00,379
You're breaking
the laws of secrets.

307
00:18:02,047 --> 00:18:04,016
Why? It couldn't be
your secret anymore

308
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:06,685
and the sandwich
is delicious.

309
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:08,353
Did you go with melted
mozzarella on the top?

310
00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:11,023
What other cheese
could you possibly
go with on there?

311
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:13,025
I don't know. Feta?

312
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:14,760
Feta? Feta?

313
00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:16,628
Oh, you know what?
I can't even look
at you right now!

314
00:18:16,695 --> 00:18:18,263
You have no business
being in here!

315
00:18:18,330 --> 00:18:21,800
And you. You! I guess
you'll just wait on
anybody, won't you?

316
00:18:21,867 --> 00:18:25,104
Um, yeah. I'm a waitress.
That's kind of what I do.

317
00:18:28,073 --> 00:18:29,675
I don't know why
you're getting
so upset about this.

318
00:18:29,741 --> 00:18:32,344
You said
your new secret
was spectacular.

319
00:18:32,411 --> 00:18:33,946
I lied!

320
00:18:34,012 --> 00:18:38,317
All right, Joy?
I don't even have
a new secret.

321
00:18:38,383 --> 00:18:42,421
I couldn't even think
of anything else.
That's how lame I am.

322
00:18:42,488 --> 00:18:44,490
Well, why do you think
I took your secret?

323
00:18:44,556 --> 00:18:47,126
I couldn't think
of anything else, either.
That's how lame I am.

324
00:18:47,192 --> 00:18:49,294
So that's it?

325
00:18:49,361 --> 00:18:51,797
Now, we know
everything about
each other.

326
00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:54,233
We're no longer two
independent beings.

327
00:18:54,299 --> 00:18:55,734
(SIGHS)

328
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:58,637
This is the end
of Joy and Eddie.
We've simply become

329
00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:01,640
Jeddy.

330
00:19:04,009 --> 00:19:09,248
Yeah, but you know what,
who cares? This has been
exhausting anyway.

331
00:19:09,314 --> 00:19:13,552
Now that we have
absolutely nothing
left to hide,

332
00:19:13,619 --> 00:19:19,124
I'm actually feeling
a strange sense of peace.

333
00:19:19,191 --> 00:19:22,594
Yeah, me, too.
Make some room.

334
00:19:27,099 --> 00:19:29,835
I'm sorry you
lost your secret.

335
00:19:29,902 --> 00:19:35,641
But, you know, when your last
shred of independence
is a meatball sandwich,

336
00:19:35,707 --> 00:19:37,809
you're kind of
running out of road.

337
00:19:38,977 --> 00:19:39,845
Come here.

338
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:44,917
I'm gonna go try
to find a fork that
doesn't have gum on it.

339
00:19:50,155 --> 00:19:51,456
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa,
what you got
going on there?

340
00:19:51,523 --> 00:19:54,059
Oh, this is a new sandwich.
It's not on the menu yet.

341
00:19:54,126 --> 00:19:58,597
It's peppers and sausage
and cheese on a jalapeno roll.

342
00:19:58,664 --> 00:20:01,033
Listen.
Next time I'm in here,

343
00:20:01,099 --> 00:20:03,702
throw a little bacon
on that and keep
it on the down low.

344
00:20:08,507 --> 00:20:09,975
Secret sausage.

345
00:20:11,410 --> 00:20:12,878
I'm back.

346
00:20:18,183 --> 00:20:19,351
Hey, babe.

347
00:20:19,418 --> 00:20:20,886
Hey, honey.

348
00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:24,656
Mmm.

349
00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:29,561
Mmm.

350
00:20:34,433 --> 00:20:36,802
I'm getting sausage,

351
00:20:38,337 --> 00:20:40,872
{\an8}jalapeno and...

352
00:20:46,211 --> 00:20:47,312
{\an8}Bacon?

353
00:20:54,486 --> 00:20:56,888
{\an8}Is that your new
secret sandwich?

354
00:21:00,859 --> 00:21:03,595
{\an8}Why don't you go upstairs
and bleach your mustache?